So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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