my room smells like sperm. sweet.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
