the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Even my vagina gasped.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
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I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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