we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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