he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
