He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
