Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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