butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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