Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
