My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The feeling are messing with the penis
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
