Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
