Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
