No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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