i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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