Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
