Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
