I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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