There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
