dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i wish my penis had a tongue
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
