I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
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When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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