We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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