thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
