I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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