I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
