I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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