I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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