Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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