The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
