I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
