every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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