I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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