Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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