Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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