I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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