Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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