I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
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I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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