I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
