I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Me too!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
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i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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