She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Boobs are out for the taking
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
