South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
