What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
