stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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