Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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