there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
