apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
