I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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