Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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