There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
