3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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