I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
