dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
