I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
