so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
only you would photoshop your dick
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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