At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
