I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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