she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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