sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
