it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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