The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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