come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
