hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
