omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
