Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
nutella sex= disaster
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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